Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we're making bets on your personal life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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