Sry I called you an 8
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
