I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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