Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
