I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he fucked my hip out of place.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
