Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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