I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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