I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
