First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
