I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
