i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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