I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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