meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
