If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
