i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
