I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
