I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
