She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
