Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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