I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just had sex on a roof
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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