I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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