I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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