Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
