Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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