Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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