Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
