You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
