Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
