So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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