Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
