You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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