I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
