I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
