i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
