You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
