Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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