you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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