I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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