My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
