hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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