dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
