The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
