I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
