I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
