You're completely useless in the revolution.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
