I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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