I cannot find my penis.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
