Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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