just come out here and I will go home with you...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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