she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
