I think I won the penis lottery.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
