Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize