They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize