I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
