So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
