Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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