they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
