so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
