My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
