...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
