i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
