omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
