Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
sex in a hospital.. check
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
