Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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