I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
