You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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