mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize