I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
