It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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