Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
