I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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