I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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