don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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