dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
