i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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