Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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