12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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