I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
wow bdsm is so cute
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