We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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