i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
