I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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