But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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